today's a special day. I wonder if i can finish this piece before its 12pm... 11th May is my birthday. How does that matter?? seriously, i have no answer to that question. I call for my existence from the day i have been conscious - which is definitely not this day 23 years ago. But, i don't remember the day i gained consciousness either... guess haven't started existing. So i decide to exist from today (couldn't find a better day u know :-)...
Ya crap as usual.... good things happened to me today. In all had a better day from average. What else can i expect?? a cute girl sung happy bday to me - including my friends... ya baby!!!
Srini was upset that i didnot give him treat, guess after toying with him about his treat later, he's pretty pissed off. Aaah he would come around.. he's a great guy. I surely didnot sit here write about this... so lets get to the point. Or may be after few more lines. This is a topic i conciously avoid.
Well, the truth - i am 23 - had my share of life in last 23 years which is more than fullfilling. But, i know i am not satisfied. Uh i never will i guess. But right now i am just reflecting back - and at no levels can i say i have achieved what i wanted. I did screw up more than i fixed up. Guess, its part and parcel of being a kid and a teenager. But, it ain't the same now. I am an adult - way into it. People call me young man - have no faint clue what it means. But, there's more to me than just being a kid now. Its going to be different in coming years.
First of all i wouldn't qualify as a student anymore. It has far reaching implications. I would have to be accountable for everything i do - all my decisions will be my responsibility. Its scary. On one hand i want to do big things - on the other i am scared to screwing things up big time. Guess this conflict is because i have protective typical bengali parenting. But thats inbuilts - and before this moment passes me by - i'll take this oppurtune moment to thank god for letting me be myself - which, as of now, has everything to do with my parent's nurturing.
Well, i'll let you know a bit about my parents. My father is a man of principles and strong willed person. He's strict specially when it comes to studies. But, his encouragement for sports, music and any other cultural activities forms my foundation of character (i like to believe i have a bit of it!!!). He's pseudo orthodox man to some extend and very very modern in certain issues. He is protective too - given that he had a rough childhood and no one to look after him, he just gives 200% to see me and my brother enjoy every comfort and get good upbringing. He is extremely emotional (I got some of that) but wouldn't look emotional at all. Has very high ethos and moral ideal for me. In all a character to emulate for me - guess how easy it gets when someone like him is around. This description cannot go without telling his religious inclination. But, he's not an orthodox brahmin - he either doesn't know or he simply like it that way - he never utters mantras. Moreover, he devised his own way of conversing with god - and both me and my brother had great difficulty understanding what he did during his puja time speaking to god in folded arm posture and shaking head. As kids we had trouble why would he look at the godess' idol and call her mother, while mother just stood behind us!!!
My mom deserves lot more than this space and in no way i can explain her in words. I don't know what a person is supposed to feel about the pain and agony his mom goes to bear a him as her child. So i would skip this part with my own ignorance. But, what is right infront of me is what pains she takes every moment to make my stay in this earth one that of paradise and even better than that. It just puzzles me how she thinks of us every moment, prays for our wellbeing and nurtures with her actions, thoughts and subconsciousness. Yes, she has a heart to fit this universe over and over again. She had a better childhood than my father. She did have best of comforts as a child - thanks to Dadunda (that's what we call our mother's dad). She learnt to be a true Indian daughter, sister, Wife and mother. Man, if u get a million noble prizes u could say u ve achieved anything near 1/100th of that. What puzzles me is how can a human being be so selfless. I am not. But, the indian women (so far) deserve to be worshipped. They achieve such blend of character that is only possible in one's imagination. Going by western world they can't even imagine such stregnth of character. Over all that, guys she is the best!!! We are great buddies. We are like best friends and she nearly knows all my stuffs (nearly....). what is amazing, is this ability to find out what's up in my mind anytime she looks at me, and more so over the phone. How the hell she gets to guess every thing at point blank precision, i would never know. Well, i can go on.
What cannot go without mention in my parenting is my brother. Close as we were we had lots of differences. Now i like to believe i am very smart and all that. Well, before this smart ass got so smart, he hero worshipped only one guy. This elder brother of mine. Well, 5 years difference. He prepared me truly for real world. He made me strong and suitable to fit in his group. A lot of my talent is his follow ups. I argued with him regarding everything - almost everything. And this made me orator. Or how else u explain some kid who used to stand and get hit by other kids wiithout even moving a step - now has guts to stand upto a big audience and take whatever comes his way ( i think a too much about myself don't I). Well, a just to tell u what brother is to me - he once came from school and started telling me how he met spiderman and saw him save all the kids in the school. And i knew he was lying - coz i believed he was the SPIDER MAN.
Now after all this i am sleepy. Well, i started off to reflect on what next and how i would like to shape my life now on. But, i drifted off - but no regrets, i did some important things today. I am happy today. Guess, that's all it means - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
